Nebulasexual
DESCRIPTION:
Nebulasexual is a sexual orientation on the queer spectrum in which neurodivergent people are unable to determine whether or not they feel sexual attraction due to their neurological architecture. This article explains the neuropsychological mechanisms underlying its emergence in the queer lexicon and its practical implications for relationships.
Nebulasexual: When neurodivergent brains cannot categorise sexual attraction
People on the autism spectrum are up to eight times more likely to identify as asexual than neurotypical people. This finding points to fundamental differences in the processing of emotional and sensory signals.
This statistical anomaly leads to a lesser-known but neurologically precise orientation: nebulasexual. The term describes people who, due to neurodivergence, are structurally unable to determine whether or not they feel sexual attraction. This is not a matter of temporary uncertainty or lack of self-reflection, but rather a specific neurological constellation in which the usual categorisation mechanisms for attraction function differently.
What it's about:
The definition from Wiki and Queer Lexicon and its neurological basis,
Why nebularsexual applies exclusively to neurodivergent people,
the distinction between nebularomantic and other related orientations,
the neuropsychological mechanisms behind the difficulty of categorisation, and
practical implications for relationships and therapeutic support.
What is nebulasexual? Definition and distinction
Nebulasexual is a sexuality on the quoisexual spectrum in which neurodivergence or intrusive thoughts make it impossible to determine whether or not one feels sexual attraction.
This definition, taken from various wiki sources and the Queer Lexicon, requires precise demarcation: it is not a matter of those affected "not yet having figured out" what they feel. The distinction between sexual, aesthetic, romantic and platonic attraction is neurologically difficult for these people – regardless of the time factor or the intensity of self-reflection.
The term is derived from the Latin "nebula" (fog, cloud) and refers to the characteristic blurriness with which attraction is experienced. While neurotypical people can usually differentiate between different forms of attraction ("That's sexual" vs. "That's platonic"), nebulasexual people experience their feelings as a continuous, overlapping field without clear category boundaries.
What nebula sexuality is not:
General uncertainty about sexual orientation during identity development
Temporary confusion in new relationship situations, or
Difficulty with commitment or attachment.
Instead, it is a structural neurological peculiarity in the processing of attraction signals.
The term originated in the mid-2010s in online communities (Tumblr, Reddit, Fandom wikis), where neurodivergent people developed language for experiences that were not represented in existing LGBTQ+ discourses. The nebulasexual pride flag (orange, white, green) was created in 2020 by Fandom Wiki user Lovenderr, inspired by the Crab Nebula – a diffuse cosmic cloud formation.
Why nebulasexual applies exclusively to neurodivergent people
The term "nebulasexual" should only be used by neurodivergent people or people with intrusive thoughts. This restriction is not arbitrary, but neurologically based.
The central question is: Why are some people unable to determine whether they feel sexual attraction? The answer lies in specific characteristics of neurodivergent information processing.
1. ADHD and the hyperfocus problem
In ADHD, hyperfocus on visual or auditory stimuli (facial features, voice, movement patterns) activates the same dopaminergic pathways as sexual attraction in neurotypical people. The problem is that the brain cannot reliably distinguish between different sources of increased dopamine activity.
When a person with ADHD finds someone 'fascinating', it could mean:
Dopamine release due to novelty (new person = interesting)
Dopamine release due to aesthetic reward (attractive face = visually satisfying)
Dopamine release due to sexual attraction (physical desire)
All three mechanisms use overlapping neural substrates. The subjective sensation is the same: intensity. The category remains unclear.
2. Autism spectrum and lack of social interpretation aids
Neurotypical people use social cues to reinterpret their own feelings. They infer internal states from external context: "This person is flirting with me → I must be attractive, otherwise I would perceive it differently."
In autistic people, this mechanism works differently or is missing. They rely on internal somatic markers – but these often come without a straightforward semantic assignment. An increased heart rate could indicate attraction, fear, overstimulation, or simply physiological activation, with no specific meaning.
A study by George et al. (2018) showed that autistic people take significantly longer to categorise their own emotional states and are more likely to choose "unsure" as their answer than neurotypical control groups.
3. OCD and intrusive thoughts
In obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD), intrusive thoughts about attraction can massively impair clarity about authentic feelings. The typical thought cycle:
"Do I find this person attractive?" → "Or is it just a thought?" → "But why would I have this thought if there was no basis for it?" → "But OCD generates irrelevant thoughts, so maybe it's meaningless?" → [Loop repeats]
It becomes impossible to distinguish between genuine attraction and obsessive thoughts. This is not philosophical uncertainty, but a symptom of OCD that structurally alters self-perception.
4. AUDHS: When both conditions coincide
AUDHS (the combination of autism and ADHD) affects about 50–70% of people with ADHD who also exhibit autistic traits, and vice versa. This comorbidity creates specific challenges in categorising attraction that go beyond the sum of the two individual conditions.
The double categorisation difficulty:
In AUDHS, two different mechanisms come together and reinforce each other:
From the ADHD component: Hyperfocus generates intense preoccupation with a person. The dopaminergic system responds strongly to novelty and interest.
From the autism component: A lack of social interpretation aids and altered interoception make it difficult to assign this intensity.
The result: A person with AUDHS may experience intense feelings in relation to another person, but cannot determine either the source (hyperfocus vs. attraction) or the category (sexual vs. aesthetic vs. emotional).
Sensory overstimulation as an additional factor:
In AUDHS, sensory processing is often particularly complex. Physical closeness to another person can trigger several intense reactions at the same time:
· Positive sensory stimulation (pleasant touch, smell, visual stimuli)
· Negative sensory overstimulation (too much input, sensory overload)
· Emotional intensity (connection, excitement)
· Physiological arousal (increased heart rate, altered breathing)
For neurotypical individuals, the brain would automatically categorise and prioritise these signals. With AUDHS, all signals arrive simultaneously – without a clear hierarchy. This makes the question "Am I sexually attracted?" neurologically difficult to answer.
Masking and the additional distortion:
Many people with AUDHS have years of experience with masking – consciously adapting to neurotypical norms. This can further distort self-perception:
A person may have learned to display certain behaviours when they want to appear 'interested' – without having a clear internal feeling of attraction. Over the years, it has become difficult to distinguish: 'Am I showing interest because I feel it? Or do I feel it because I show it? Or am I showing it because I have learned that this is what one should do in this situation?'
This meta-level of self-doubt is more common in AUDHS than in single diagnoses.
Executive dysfunction and decision-making:
AUDHS is often accompanied by pronounced executive dysfunction – difficulties with planning, decision-making and prioritisation. This also affects relationship decisions.
Even if a certain tendency ("I think I feel something") is present, the inability to translate this information into a decision can be paralysing. The neurological difficulty, then, lies not only in categorising the attraction but also in deriving action from it.
Why AUDHS particularly often leads to nebulasexual identification:
Studies on sexual orientation in neurodivergent individuals show that people with AUDHS are disproportionately likely to:
· Identify outside of binary orientations
· Require more extended periods of exploration
· Describe uncertainty about their orientation as permanent (not temporary)
The combination of dopamine dysregulation (ADHD) and atypical social/sensory processing (autism) creates a neurological constellation in which nebula sexuality becomes not just a possible but a probable self-description.
Why exclusivity is important
If neurotypical people exploring during normal identity development were to identify as nebulasexual, it would dilute the neurological specificity. The temporary uncertainty of a 16-year-old exploring their orientation is qualitatively different from the structural inability to categorise of a neurodivergent brain.
Exclusivity protects the term's precision and ensures that people with this specific neurological experience gain visibility and language.
Nebulasexual vs. nebularomantic: The distinction between sexual and romantic attraction nebulae
It is similar to nebularomantic, but not the same. The distinction concerns the dimension of attraction that is experienced as blurred.
Nebulasexual: Difficulty distinguishing sexual attraction from other forms of attraction. Those affected cannot determine whether the physical sensations they experience should be categorised as sexual attraction or whether they are aesthetic admiration, emotional closeness or sensory reactions.
Nebularomantic: Difficulty distinguishing romantic attraction from platonic attraction. Those affected cannot determine whether an intense emotional connection should be categorised as romantic love or deep friendship.
Neuropsychological basis for the distinction:
The distinction reflects the fact that partially separate neural systems process sexual and romantic attraction:
Sexual attraction: stronger activation closely linked to vegetative arousal
Romantic attraction: stronger activation in brain centres that are also activated in deep friendship
In neurodivergent people, both systems can be affected independently of each other. Some people can clearly identify sexual attraction but not romantic attraction (nebularomantic). Others can clearly identify romantic feelings but not sexual feelings (nebulasexual). And some cannot clearly categorise either one or the other – in this case, the term nebularoace (a combination of nebularomantic and nebulasexual) is used.
Practical example:
Person A (nebularomantic but not nebulasexual): "I know I don't feel sexual attraction. That's clear. But am I in love with my best friend, or is our connection platonic? I can't tell."
Person B (nebulasexual but not nebularomantic): "I'm sure I have romantic feelings for my partner. But when it comes to physical intimacy, do I want sex or do I want closeness? Is it what I feel, sexual desire, or an emotional need for connection? It's unclear."
Person C (nebularoace): "I feel something for this person. It's intense and real. But whether it's sexual, romantic, platonic or aesthetic, I can't tell. Everything is blurred."
The neuropsychology of categorisation difficulties
1. Perceptual processing and interoception
A key factor in nebulasexuality is altered interoception – the ability to perceive and interpret internal physical states.
In neurotypical people, the interpretation of sexual attraction often follows this pattern:
Physical change (increased heart rate, altered breathing, genital arousal)
Conscious perception of this change
Contextual interpretation ("I am in the presence of this person" + "I feel arousal" = "I am sexually attracted")
Categorisation as sexual attraction
For neurodivergent people, each of these steps can work differently:
Step 1: Physical signals may be muted, delayed or atypical. Autistic people often report alexithymia – difficulty identifying physical sensations at all.
Step 2: Conscious perception may be overridden by hyperfocus on other stimuli (ADHD) or obscured by sensory overstimulation.
Step 3: Contextual interpretation requires social cues that may not be processed or may be processed differently.
Step 4: Final categorisation requires the brain to have clear semantic categories for different forms of arousal, which is not a given in neurodivergence.
A study by Shah et al. (2021) showed that autistic adults performed significantly worse than neurotypical control groups in distinguishing between different states of arousal (sexual arousal vs. general excitement vs. anxiety) – regardless of intellectual ability.
2. The medial prefrontal cortex and self-attribution
The medial prefrontal cortex (mPFC) is responsible for assigning sensations to self-categories ("What does this feeling mean to me?"). In neurodivergent people, this region often shows atypical activation patterns.
In neurotypical people, mPFC categorises automatically ("This is sexual attraction"). In neurodivergent people, the mPFC categorises more slowly, less confidently, or not at all – the feeling remains "undefined".
This is not a malfunction, but a different form of information processing. The brain does not assign a hasty category when the data is unclear from its perspective.
3. Hyperfocus and false attribution
In ADHD, hyperfocus on specific characteristics of a person (face, voice, movements) can create an intensity that subjectively feels like attraction.
The problem: the dopamine system that controls hyperfocus overlaps with the system that regulates sexual motivation.
A person with ADHD might report: "I can't stop thinking about this person. I analyse every gesture, every word. Is this desire? Or is it just my ADHD finding something new to fixate on?"
The answer is often: both. And it is precisely this blurring that defines nebulasexuality.
Nebulasexual vs. asexual: uncertainty about presence vs. certainty about absence
Nebulasexual is not the same as asexual, although both can be located on the asexual spectrum.
Asexual: apparent certainty about the absence of sexual attraction. Asexual people can say with certainty, "I don't feel sexual attraction. It's not part of my experience."
Nebulasexual: uncertainty about the presence or absence of sexual attraction. Nebulasexual people cannot say with certainty whether or not they feel sexual attraction. The category itself is not neuropsychologically accessible.
Neuropsychological distinction:
In asexual people, the system for sexual attraction is either not active or does not send signals that can be interpreted as sexual attraction. The experience is clear.
For nebulasexual people: There may be signals, but the level of interpretation is not reliable. The experience is unclear.
Can both labels apply at the same time?
Yes. Some people identify as both asexual AND nebulasexual: "I don't think I feel sexual attraction. But because of my neurodivergence, I can never be completely sure. The neurological uncertainty overlaps with my assessment of the content."
This is not an inconsistency, but reflects the fact that human experience has multiple levels: the level of content ("What do I feel?") and the level of epistemic certainty ("How sure am I?").
Practical implications for relationships
Nebulasexual people face specific challenges in intimate relationships – but also opportunities for authentic connections beyond normative expectations.
Communication strategies:
Explicitly naming the ambiguity: Instead of trying to feign clarity, it can be helpful to communicate the neurological reality: "I can't say for sure if what I'm feeling is sexual attraction. But I know I want to spend time with you, and physical closeness feels good."
Avoid categorical labels in relationships: Instead of asking "Are we having sex?", it may be more precise to ask, "Do you want this form of intimacy?" Categorisation as "sex" or "not sex" is postponed in favour of more direct exploration.
Regular check-ins: Since clarity about feelings does not arise spontaneously, structured conversations about needs and boundaries can be helpful—not as a sign of insecurity, but as an appropriate response to neurological reality.
For partners of nebulasexual people:
Acceptance of ambiguity: The expectation that one's partner "should know what they want" is often unrealistic in neurodivergence. Ambiguity is not an expression of disinterest, but neurological reality.
Be specific rather than conceptual: Instead of "Are you attracted to me?", it is more effective to ask "Would you like me to come closer?" or "Does this touch feel good?"
Patience: Neurodivergent people often need more time to figure out how they feel in a situation. This time is not a sign of indecision, but is necessary for the processing that needs to take place.
Therapeutic perspectives
Therapeutic work with nebulasexual people is not about forcing clarity, but about recognising neurological reality and developing a self-determined way of dealing with it.
Meta-awareness as a key competence:
Meta-awareness is the ability to observe one's own cognitive and emotional processes without compulsively trying to resolve them. For nebulasexual people, this means:
Recognition: "I cannot clearly categorise this type of feeling."
Acceptance: "That's okay and part of my neurological architecture."
Ability to act despite uncertainty: "I can make decisions without having complete clarity."
This skill reduces the psychological strain that arises when people spend years trying to force neurologically unattainable clarity.
Objectives:
Reducing shame by making categorisation difficult
Developing alternative decision-making criteria for relationships (not: "Am I sexually attracted to this person?", but: "Does this connection feel right?")
Communication skills for relationships without categorical clarity
Integration of orientation into a coherent self-image
Important: The therapeutic goal is not to "resolve" the ambiguity. The ambiguity does not require treatment. What requires treatment are possible accompanying symptoms such as self-doubt, relationship conflicts or identity crises.
The emergence
The emergence of nebulasexual as a term illustrates how digital spaces create new opportunities for self-definition.
The term emerged in the mid-2010s in online communities (Tumblr, Reddit, Fandom Wikis), where neurodivergent people developed language for experiences that were not represented in existing discourses. The nebulasexual flag was designed by Fandom Wiki user Lovenderr, inspired by an image of the Orion Nebula.
Traditionally, sexual orientations have been defined by medical or psychiatric institutions – often pathologising them. Digital self-organisation reverses this dynamic: those affected define their own experience without waiting for external validation.
Documentation in wiki sources and the Queer Lexicon standardises definitions and improves accessibility. For people who thought for years that their experience was unique or problematic, finding the term can be transformative – not because the label itself is essential, but because it shows: "Others experience the same thing. This is a recognised neurological variant."
Summary
Nebulasexual describes a sexual orientation in which people are structurally unable to determine whether or not they feel sexual attraction due to neurodivergence.
The orientation is neurologically based and exclusive to neurodivergent people (ADHD, autism spectrum, OCD, others).
It is not a temporary uncertainty, but a specific form of information processing.
Nebulasexual differs from nebularomantic (romantic vs. sexual dimension) and from asexual (uncertainty about presence vs. certainty about absence).
Neuropsychological mechanisms include altered interoception, atypical mPFC activation, and dopaminergic overlaps.
In relationships, nebulasexuality requires explicit communication and acceptance of ambiguity.
More relevant therapeutically is meta-awareness: the ability to acknowledge ambiguity without compulsively needing to resolve it.
Its emergence in digital communities shows new ways of self-definition beyond institutional pathologisation.
The recognition of nebulasexuality as a legitimate orientation validates the experience of thousands of neurodivergent people who have spent years trying to squeeze themselves into ill-fitting categories. The neurological basis is fundamental. The experience is real. And the need to give voice to this experience is just as real.
Suppose you are one of those people who experience their attraction as blurred or unclear. In that case, therapeutic support can be helpful—not to force clarity, but to develop a self-determined way of dealing with this neurological reality.
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